var quotes=new Array()

//change the quotes if desired. Add/ delete additional quotes as desired.

quotes[0]='Rush Limbaugh had a constitutional right to make those racist comments on ESPN. They cost him his job, but I defend his right to make an ass of himself. Maybe it was the illegal pain killers that made him do it. -Pulp Friction'

quotes[1]='WARNING: This man is a patient and not a world-renowned proctologist as he believes. Despite his claim, there is no such thing as Check-A-Friend\'s-Prostate Week. -Time for Your Meds'

quotes[2]='If some members of Congress felt getting a blowjob constituted high crimes and misdemeanors then, hoo boy, Bush is in big trouble. -A Fifty Pound Bag of Whistling Lips'

quotes[3]='Neither of us spoke. We glided to a stop at a light, and listened. The only sound was the steady, distinct deflation of the front tire, which was not a bit unlike the sound of a dozen New Yorkers exhaling, in a yoga studio in Brooklyn Heights. -Scribbling.Net'

quotes[4]='I could not eat the barbqued guinea pig. My dad, however, had no problem. I did try the alpaca. Tastes like beef. -Tempest in a Teapot'

quotes[5]='This whole thing has been one big pissing match between Bush and the world at the expense of our civil liberties and the economy. The man is dangerously stupid. -The Boston Dyke'

quotes[6]='I\'m still overweight, but damn it, I made it up that hill. Tomorrow, I\'ll try it walking on my hands because I have much better upper body strength than lower (lower as in legs, not as in pelvic, because in that department, I am still the undefeated champ). -Ordinary Morning'

quotes[7]='I am sitting here contemplating slipping arsenic into the coffee of one of my co-workers. -About Damn Time'

quotes[8]='A person with a transplant schedules their life around Doctor visits and makes all sorts of bargains with higher powers to get a chance to live. It sucks bigtime. But, at least I\'m alive. -Toxic Lab Rat'

quotes[9]='TIGER: Hey Roy! Hey Roy! Who\'s the king of the jungle? Huh?? Who\'s the motherfucking king of the jungle? -Uncle Bob'

quotes[10]='How does one go back?  I have not thought of a good enough reason to use any dope. -SickSide'

quotes[11]='Bottom line? If sperm was not involved in any way, there is absolutely no reason for a full-scale masturbation. And even if there was, can we rely on White House Officials masturbating themselves when they are the very ones who shot their load to all the newspapers in the first place? I say keep your emissions to yourselves, boys! Dubya is fucking us good enough without your help. -Asylum'

quotes[12]='Isn\'t that what life is all about? Finding the little things, even the things that seem negative at first, and figuring out how they really make your life better? -Big Pink Cookie'

quotes[13]='Preferring pineapple is so simple and easy and so good and yummy...I wish preferring girls was as simple as that. -By the Light of the Stars'

quotes[14]='I shook my head and shivered, saved, once again, from myself. -Quantum Faux Pas'

quotes[15]='I was just reminiscing about the many terrible experiences I witnessed over the course of my paramedic career, and watching tubes being inserted into the chest cavities of breathing, conscious, human beings is right up there on the list of \'SUCKS TO BE YOU\' things I\'ve seen. -Cranky Chick'

quotes[16]='I slipped out of my shorts and thong. On went the big ol\' sexy white granny panties. I wiggled my ass at The Man in a sassy way and brought a look of lust to his eyes...Ahhhh.....it\'s good to be white trash! -DaGoddess'

quotes[17]='If I were to watch the news daily, read all of the books, stock up on all of the statistics, not only would I go insane, but I would have to zip myself into a little fucking bubble and never come out again. -Dog and Pony Show'

quotes[18]='Maybe my father is right...maybe I AM a man-hater! -Eagle Eye View'

quotes[19]='Writing your soul is a bitch, but some of us have no choice. -Gnome Girl'

quotes[20]='It doesn\'t surprise me that the Canadian government would grow shitty pot. Any goverment that grows marijuana would never bother with properly cultivating the best varieties. Governments excel at mediocrity. -Grey Bird Talks'

quotes[21]='I suppose Arnold\'s win does in a sense show the greatness of this country, and how even a poor, immigrant son of a Nazi SS officer can make it to the top with just a handful of steroids and a dream. -In Sequence'

quotes[22]='We lower-budget folks need to band together against the Navigators, Expeditions, Jaguars, etc. It\'s all about the mileage, baby. -Inside Gretchen\'s Head'

quotes[23]='My first semester dropped me into a suite of seven women, most of whom were Home Ec upperclasswomen. While I had not yet discovered either my nascent lesbianism or feminism, we were not well matched. -JadedJu'

quotes[24]='I swear to Thor, if I hear one more person say, \'I can\'t have carbs,\' I will shove a man-sized flour tortilla down their throats! -JeanNINE, Planet9'

quotes[25]='Not being up on the proper traditions, we spent many hours atoning for our sins by drinking heavily, groping each other and then pushing each other\’s faces into the toilet bowl. -Moxie.Nu'

quotes[26]='Friends of mine went to city hall and registered as domestic partners today to do their part to scare the homophobes. -Nurse Ratched\'s Notebook'

quotes[27]='Take every victory, folks. Even the quiet ones. -Pax Nortona'

quotes[28]='As with all my inner shouting matches, it devolved into calling myself a \'vacuous, toffee-nosed, malodorous pervert.\' -Solonor\'s Groovy Groove'

quotes[29]='And what better thing to do to while away these lonely, painful hours at home than to take pictures of my breasts for the boobiethon? -Spree Girl'

quotes[30]='Could I keep my honor as an English major and write flirty emails to someone who mixes up \'your\' and \'you\'re\'? -Subversive Harmony'

quotes[31]='Obviously, me yelling over the wall panel something like, \'feed the monkey\' when their children begin screaming at the tops of their lungs isn\'t going to endear me to the customers. -Techfluid'

quotes[32]='Ignorance, I believe, really is bliss, and I\’m too smart for my own good. -Search4Friction'

quotes[33]='I mistook my pinky for the chicken breast I was trimming and trimmed my pinky instead. No need for stitches or the paramedics but now I find myself afraid of sharp objects. I need a personal chef. That\'s the only solution. -Zuly\'s Zu'

quotes[34]='Being a total loser living in obscurity hasn\'t spoiled me yet. -Eric Brooks.Com'

quotes[35]='Is Bush an escaped psychiatric patient or what? -Diva Maggie'

quotes[36]='Love is . . . having a guy who will make dinner, do most of the dishes, and then make you homemade soup for the next day\'s lunch. I\'m a lucky, lucky girl. -Did You Know...?'

quotes[37]='I can\'t change the past, and I\'m not sure I would if I could. But, tonight, I miss people who are no longer in my life. -Bedside Manner'

quotes[38]='Isn\'t it strange how rich and famous people go into rehab while poor people go into prison? I think that ought to be a topic of his show, if it hasn\'t already been. I\'m sure that he\'s advocated the elimination of the double-standard for dynasties of Democratic boozers and drug-sponges like the Kennedys. -Amish Tech Support'

quotes[39]='That\'s right, my vision had slightly improved for the first time in 30 years. Next up: wrinkles ... gone. -Always Write'

quotes[40]='It\'s times like these that I wish my ass could communicate with me. -Aged and Confused'

quotes[41]='We play with our silverware in restaurants and wear our good clothes outside. We do things with Daniel we never did with our other children. Preoccupied with providing a living, I neglected to celebrate with them the joy of living. Dad is less concerned about work; mom is less concerned about home. There are no distractions big enough to interfere with our available moments. We shout with Shakespeare\'s Hamlet \'So hallowed and so gracious is the time!\' -An Omer of Manna'

quotes[42]='We\'ve made a habit of studying each other\’s faces since his diagnosis. I prop him up slightly in front of a mountain of pillows and lean on both my hands directly over his face, gazing reflectively as if in a pool of water. I do not recall sharing moments as intimate as these with our other three children, at least not at such an early age. Maybe if I had slowed down we would have shared them. I\'m slowed now. -An Omer of Manna'


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